SOFA STARS: Meet The Real Couchwives Of Leatherly Hills
As she plunked one cool chrome leg on the red carpet, she could feel a slight breeze beneath her. Had her satin cover slipped? It didn’t matter. Exposing her behind was nothing compared to what had happened at the last premiere, back when she was just a supporting actress playing a gummy white leather sofa in a campy sci-fi thriller. Today she was the star, and all those years she was labeled a D-list celebutante were finally behind her. Not that she’d regretted it. Everyone knew her performance as a scantily upholstered chaise in Teenage Spermaholics was the reason she’d achieved any fame at all.
With all four legs now firmly pressed into the plush of the red carpet, she took her first pose for the cameras. The textile was stretched a bit tight around the curves of her polyurethane foam, making her feel a little light-headed, but she looked good. Snatched. With the first few photos out of the way, she felt all her pre-show anxieties begin to lift. Memories of grueling 16-hour days spent working castings only to arrive home stained, limp, and unsure of her next paycheck turned into fond nostalgia for her first breakout role. But today was her time to shine. She was almost at the entrance when a storm of flashes engulfed her. “Who are you wearing?!” a buxom blonde screeched from behind a velvet rope, shoving a micro-phone into her tufted side. They all asked her the same vapid questions, as if she were nothing more than a pretty piece of furniture. Her head started to spin. “Just ignore her,” she thought. But it was too late. The bubbly television host had already sat down on top of her.